This entry is in response to a blog posted here. There are about a dozen other entries on the same topic; feel free to browse them for more back story if you have time.
The aforementioned blog has caused quite a stir in our church community. The response has been mostly negative, although there have been a few people who understand where the blogger (Darcy) is coming from. I'd like to show where I agree, where I disagree and also deconstruct some of the unfair criticism that has been flung at Darcy.
First of all, the topic is courtship vs. dating, two very loaded terms. Due to the fact that courtship can mean such a vast number of different ideas to different couples/families, it might be best to stay away from this term throughout this post (as much as possible). Also, the word dating tends to have negative connotations to courtship proponents, so I'm also going to abstain from using that term as well (again, as much as possible). Instead, I'm going to discuss relationship principles rather than using terms loaded with presuppositions which change dramatically based on who is considering the terms "dating" and "courtship". I believe either model can and does work as long as Biblical principles are applied. Of course, if we just stuck to principles, we probably wouldn't have the need for loaded terms. ;)
In her posts, Darcy points out some of the grave errors that courtship can cause. While Joshua Harris' name gets tossed about as an example of what's wrong with courtship, I partially disagree. I've read I Kissed Dating Goodbye twice and Boy Meets Girl once, and I never came away from them believing that Harris was pushing some sort of strict formula for having a successful relationship. I've always believe that he was pointing out deficiencies in the short term, or serial dating, model while setting principles for having a Biblical relationship. These principles never seemed rigid to me, but I can only speak for my male viewpoint. Harris' two books helped me understand how I was viewing relationships incorrectly (I was a short term dating junkie who wasn't mature enough to be pursuing romantic relationships), and offered me a more Biblical way to view relationships.
Now, this doesn't mean that I think Harris is the greatest thing ever. Although I agree with him from a general standpoint, I often found his stories of "good" relationships a little strange. Is a guy really giving his relationship with a girl to God when he's burying the love letters that girl sent him in her front yard? That doesn't sound like someone who has truly let go of his feelings for someone. And seriously, how creepy is it to do that anyways? Another area where I vehemently disagree with Harris is this idea that if you have multiple romantic relationships, you give a piece of your heart to each of the people you have a relationship with. I've been in multiple relationships, and can honestly tell you that not a single one of those girls has even a sliver of my heart. I am fully cable of putting my whole heart into my relationship with E, and I am not fearful of my past girlfriends showing up at my wedding so they can each take a piece of my heart. Did breaking up hurt? Sure. Does having past relationships affect who I am? Definitely, but I wouldn't be who I am if those relationships hadn't happened. I learned from them, grew and matured. I needed the bad relationships so I could understand how to have a proper relationship with God and with the opposite sex. And by saying this, I'm not advocating going out and having bad relationships on purpose. But I do think that sometimes, our attempts to avoid pain and hardship rob us of the ability to grow.
I believe the biggest reason Harris's name often gets trampled on by courtship detractors is not so much because what he says is wrong, but because he is the most recognizable name when it comes to discussing courtship. Courtship proponents such as S. M. Davis and Doug Phillips teach a style of courtship that is completely controlling and authoritarian and is closer to betrothal than anything else. These teachings are what many detractors who aren't very familiar with the idea of courtship tend to believe about courting. Unfortunately, Harris often gets pinned with these types of beliefs even though he has never taught them. I'm not saying that Darcy hasn't had some bad experiences with the teachings of Joshua Harris, I just don't believe that what Darcy experienced is really the essence of what Harris was trying to teach. Maybe Darcy is more critical of Harris than I am, or maybe her parents totally misunderstood what Harris was trying to get at, but I've never seen him as the main problem with courtship teachings.
I was not brought up in a home where my parents taught us courtship from a young age (although that did come along once I hit my teen years), and, obviously, I'm not a female, so I'm not really qualified to speak on Darcy's discussions about how these teachings can be emotionally scarring to women, but I've witnessed and read about enough courtships where the ideas of patriarchal headship and parental authority have been taken to such an extreme that the parents consider themselves autonomous and are not accountable to anyone. (Sometimes, they are accountable, but the church they are attending puts parental authority on such a high pedestal that unless the abuse is extreme, they don't do anything.) I can agree with Darcy that I've seen a lot of pride and self-righteousness in how some parents handle courtships, and this is a major issue for me as a guy who's currently in a courtship and for a man who will someday be a father. I don't want to be overbearing or unBiblical in how I deal with my children and their romantic relationships. Darcy is completely right in calling our attention to the abuses that courtship teaching has caused in some cases.
It seems to me that the points that Darcy is making should cause us to objectively and critically consider whether the way we, as parents and as couples in a romantic relationship, are handling our relationships is Biblical, or if we've gotten to the point where we're pushing legalism on others. Darcy's points are not made any less valid because we do or don't agree with how she's handled situations in her past, and unfortunately, much of the discussion surrounding Darcy's blogs have not been about the validity of her points, but rather, about how we should ignore her points because she was rebellious, or because she's cynical, or because we have a tendency to get overly defensive about something we really care about. Just because you've gone through "dating hell" doesn't mean that courtship is the only option. There are plenty of people who have dated and are emotional healthy and plenty of people who have courted and are now forever emotionally scarred. There are no rules or formulas that guarantee avoidance of emotional pain. Whatever you want to call it, dating (and yes, I have no problem with dating as long as there is accountability, transparency and parental/pastoral counsel involved) or courtship or some other term, it shouldn't matter, as long as we're practicing Biblical principles.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
A Little More Than I Can Give
Today has been the (seemingly) busiest day I've had in quite awhile. Not necessarily busy because of what actually needed to be accomplished today, but because of the number of things that have been added to my plate for the short term future.
In trying to finish my associates degree, which I only need three classes to complete, I started a college algebra class today. Technically, I started it a week ago, but the class officially starts today. I've gotten a bit of a head start, but this is the first time I've taken an online class that had a fully interactive website and didn't just involve the professor e-mailing the students assignments and us submitting the assignments via e-mail. It took me most of the first week just to get the hang of all the features the websites (yes, there are multiple sites associated with this class) offer. It's been about ten years since I've touched a math textbook, so I'm hoping that I won't be too rusty and that I can find the time.
At work, I've fallen behind in my training (not entirely my fault) and I'm trying to have that complete by the end of the month. One of the major issues I have with on the job training in the military, though, is that I'll learn how to do a bunch of different tasks, but I won't necessarily learn them hands on because the hands on opportunities aren't available. So, in three years when a situation comes up that I'm supposed to be able to handle, I won't remember what to do. Also, I got tasked with a huge project: I have to look at the existing lights on the airfield, combine them with the new lights that are going to be built during our airfield lighting project and number them all. This will probably also involve having a map made with all of the light numbers on it. I'm supposed to have this completed by July before our inspection.
Finally, I found out today that I do indeed have a hernia and that it needs surgery. I won't be able to schedule this surgery until tomorrow, but it will knock me out of work for probably a couple of weeks. I'll be glad for the time off, but with some of the manning issues we're having, I know it's going to put the office in a tough spot. Oh well, at least my girlfriend E and I will be able to spend some time together (hopefully).
Here's to hoping that I've got what it takes to persevere through the next several months.
In trying to finish my associates degree, which I only need three classes to complete, I started a college algebra class today. Technically, I started it a week ago, but the class officially starts today. I've gotten a bit of a head start, but this is the first time I've taken an online class that had a fully interactive website and didn't just involve the professor e-mailing the students assignments and us submitting the assignments via e-mail. It took me most of the first week just to get the hang of all the features the websites (yes, there are multiple sites associated with this class) offer. It's been about ten years since I've touched a math textbook, so I'm hoping that I won't be too rusty and that I can find the time.
At work, I've fallen behind in my training (not entirely my fault) and I'm trying to have that complete by the end of the month. One of the major issues I have with on the job training in the military, though, is that I'll learn how to do a bunch of different tasks, but I won't necessarily learn them hands on because the hands on opportunities aren't available. So, in three years when a situation comes up that I'm supposed to be able to handle, I won't remember what to do. Also, I got tasked with a huge project: I have to look at the existing lights on the airfield, combine them with the new lights that are going to be built during our airfield lighting project and number them all. This will probably also involve having a map made with all of the light numbers on it. I'm supposed to have this completed by July before our inspection.
Finally, I found out today that I do indeed have a hernia and that it needs surgery. I won't be able to schedule this surgery until tomorrow, but it will knock me out of work for probably a couple of weeks. I'll be glad for the time off, but with some of the manning issues we're having, I know it's going to put the office in a tough spot. Oh well, at least my girlfriend E and I will be able to spend some time together (hopefully).
Here's to hoping that I've got what it takes to persevere through the next several months.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Forever and a Day
That feels like how long it's been since I've visited my poor blog. I guess I relegated it to the darker corners of the interwebz. That's what happens when you get lazy and/or have a lack of things to discuss. And what do I get as a prize for returning? 50+ spam comments on my last blog entry. Since most of it looks like it was in Hongul, I'm figuring I picked up some spammers while I was in South Korea. Those crazy Koreans!
Anyways, hopefully I'll be back to update this more often. I don't have a whole lot of inspiration at the moment, but we'll see what happens.
Anyways, hopefully I'll be back to update this more often. I don't have a whole lot of inspiration at the moment, but we'll see what happens.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Not sufficient
It is becoming quite clear that in our postmodern world, Scripture is no longer sufficient to meet the needs of our faith. I have known for quite awhile now about the Emergent Movement and its deemphasis on doctrinal importance and over emphasis on social awareness. While I don't deny their concern that the Church can be negligent in its awareness of and involvement in the world around them, their belief that Christianity is simply a salvation prayer followed by Christians uniting to solve the wrongs of the world is grossly erroneous. To them Scriptural doctrine is some unnecessary idea that just creates arguments between uppity intellectual Christians who care nothing for the world around them.
What they don't understand is that knowing Scripture and doctrine IS knowing Christ. Christianity and salvation is not just saying a prayer. In order to properly understand and live one's faith requires intense study of Scripture. Living one's faith will and should involve caring about and being involved in the world around us, but we can't do that until after we begin to understand the Scriptures God gave us.
If you want to be socially aware, that's all well and good, but if you're not actually going to understand what Christianity is all about, then you're no different than any non-Christian out there who volunteers their time to lend a hand in the community, so there's no reason to mask your environmental concerns as Christianity. The Emergents want to put the cart before the horse, and that breakdown in logic is bound for failure.
Another erroneous "form" of Christianity I have just recently become aware of is Christian Mysticism. This seems to be, for the most part, an off shoot of the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements. These movements have always been problematic because of their poor understanding of Acts Chapter 2. On top of this, Charismatics often times base the depth of their faith on how emotional they can get during a worship service and demand signs and wonders from God, or they won't believe his existence. The flaw in logic here should be very apparent.
However, Christian Mysticism adds a new wrinkle to this idea that is even worse. Christian Mysticism is an attempt to fuse Eastern Mysticism with Christianity. So, not only are the people practicing this adding to Scripture, which is already spoken against in the Bible, but they are also attempting to add a pagan flavor to Christianity. Paganism and Christianity will never work together because at their favor base they are in opposition to each other. This is a very dangerous place to play and Pastors who are leading their flocks in this direction should be ashamed of themselves.
What is wrong with Christians today? Why is Scripture no longer sufficient? In a recent chat room discussion about Christian Mysticism I was involved in, Christians were actually defending this. The conversation went something like this:
Person 1: "I can't believe this guy on this forum has a problem with Christian Mysticism. After all, it is Christian Mysticism."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I see no Scriptural support for Christian Mysticism."
Person 2: [link to wikipedia article on Christian Mysticism] "See, there's Scriptural support. It's very similar to what Charismatics practice."
Me: "That is a complete misinterpretation of Scripture and the Charismatics have no Scriptural support for their practices either, in my opinion."
Person 2: "Well, I think we need to look deeper and not just judge things on the surface. After all, if their focus is on Christ, we shouldn't judge what they do."
Me: "If their focus is on Christ, then they should want to follow what Scripture says about worshiping Christ, not say 'We're doing whatever the hell we want...but it's alright, because our main focus is Christ.'"
What they don't understand is that knowing Scripture and doctrine IS knowing Christ. Christianity and salvation is not just saying a prayer. In order to properly understand and live one's faith requires intense study of Scripture. Living one's faith will and should involve caring about and being involved in the world around us, but we can't do that until after we begin to understand the Scriptures God gave us.
If you want to be socially aware, that's all well and good, but if you're not actually going to understand what Christianity is all about, then you're no different than any non-Christian out there who volunteers their time to lend a hand in the community, so there's no reason to mask your environmental concerns as Christianity. The Emergents want to put the cart before the horse, and that breakdown in logic is bound for failure.
Another erroneous "form" of Christianity I have just recently become aware of is Christian Mysticism. This seems to be, for the most part, an off shoot of the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements. These movements have always been problematic because of their poor understanding of Acts Chapter 2. On top of this, Charismatics often times base the depth of their faith on how emotional they can get during a worship service and demand signs and wonders from God, or they won't believe his existence. The flaw in logic here should be very apparent.
However, Christian Mysticism adds a new wrinkle to this idea that is even worse. Christian Mysticism is an attempt to fuse Eastern Mysticism with Christianity. So, not only are the people practicing this adding to Scripture, which is already spoken against in the Bible, but they are also attempting to add a pagan flavor to Christianity. Paganism and Christianity will never work together because at their favor base they are in opposition to each other. This is a very dangerous place to play and Pastors who are leading their flocks in this direction should be ashamed of themselves.
What is wrong with Christians today? Why is Scripture no longer sufficient? In a recent chat room discussion about Christian Mysticism I was involved in, Christians were actually defending this. The conversation went something like this:
Person 1: "I can't believe this guy on this forum has a problem with Christian Mysticism. After all, it is Christian Mysticism."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I see no Scriptural support for Christian Mysticism."
Person 2: [link to wikipedia article on Christian Mysticism] "See, there's Scriptural support. It's very similar to what Charismatics practice."
Me: "That is a complete misinterpretation of Scripture and the Charismatics have no Scriptural support for their practices either, in my opinion."
Person 2: "Well, I think we need to look deeper and not just judge things on the surface. After all, if their focus is on Christ, we shouldn't judge what they do."
Me: "If their focus is on Christ, then they should want to follow what Scripture says about worshiping Christ, not say 'We're doing whatever the hell we want...but it's alright, because our main focus is Christ.'"
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Man-made Dogma
I've been sick for about a week now, so my sleep patterns have been really off the wall. Because of this, I was awake at 3 am this morning and decided to go grocery shopping at Walmart. I was in a Five Iron Frenzy mood, so I grabbed "The End Is Near" to listen to during the drive. I really wanted to hear "New Years Eve", since it's pretty much a tradition now for me to listen to that song during the New Year.
While jumping around different tracks on the album while in the car, I ended up listening to "Something Like Laughter". The song is basically about about a "girl who's lost her way". She's trying to find meaning in her life and struggling with her faith and the world around her. The chorus is basically a prayer for the girl to see the glory and wonder of God. I can relate to this (as I'm sure most true Christians can) because there was a time when I was also struggling with my faith and God stepped in and revealed Himself to me, which propelled me out of the rut I had fallen in.
I have heard this song many times before and I think it is one of the most moving, beautiful songs Five Iron Frenzy has ever written. While listening to it this time, however, one particular lyric really struck me: "searching for more than mere lies disguised as dogma". This got me thinking about the state of the church. What does the church claim as doctrinal dogma that is no such thing?
Sure some particular denominations are legalistic, and that would fit the profile. However, during this election season, it really got me thinking about politics. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that the vast majority of Christians believe that voting Republican is Bibilically mandated. Now, I'm not a Democrat, but any person with half a brain can see the flaw in this line of thinking.
Understandably, certain moral issues are discussed rather specifically in the Bible and the Republicans stance on several of these issues is on the side of Christianity. However, it doesn't follow that being a Christian equals being a Republican. This will be the first election I am strongly considering voting for Independents in the election. In fact, there is only one Republican I would support: Ron Paul. While the Evangelicals are falling all over Mike Huckabee, he does not truly stand for The Constitution and has a questionable past as governor of Arkansas.
I do not mean for this to be all about voting for Ron Paul. This is a decision I have come to for various reasons. I just hope that during this year's election Christians at least consider their voting options before blindly vote for Republicans. Do a little research, and it is very clear that the Republican Party is not pro-Christian, it is pro-votes. In other words, they care little for your beliefs and care more that they appear to support your issues so you will vote for them.
While jumping around different tracks on the album while in the car, I ended up listening to "Something Like Laughter". The song is basically about about a "girl who's lost her way". She's trying to find meaning in her life and struggling with her faith and the world around her. The chorus is basically a prayer for the girl to see the glory and wonder of God. I can relate to this (as I'm sure most true Christians can) because there was a time when I was also struggling with my faith and God stepped in and revealed Himself to me, which propelled me out of the rut I had fallen in.
I have heard this song many times before and I think it is one of the most moving, beautiful songs Five Iron Frenzy has ever written. While listening to it this time, however, one particular lyric really struck me: "searching for more than mere lies disguised as dogma". This got me thinking about the state of the church. What does the church claim as doctrinal dogma that is no such thing?
Sure some particular denominations are legalistic, and that would fit the profile. However, during this election season, it really got me thinking about politics. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that the vast majority of Christians believe that voting Republican is Bibilically mandated. Now, I'm not a Democrat, but any person with half a brain can see the flaw in this line of thinking.
Understandably, certain moral issues are discussed rather specifically in the Bible and the Republicans stance on several of these issues is on the side of Christianity. However, it doesn't follow that being a Christian equals being a Republican. This will be the first election I am strongly considering voting for Independents in the election. In fact, there is only one Republican I would support: Ron Paul. While the Evangelicals are falling all over Mike Huckabee, he does not truly stand for The Constitution and has a questionable past as governor of Arkansas.
I do not mean for this to be all about voting for Ron Paul. This is a decision I have come to for various reasons. I just hope that during this year's election Christians at least consider their voting options before blindly vote for Republicans. Do a little research, and it is very clear that the Republican Party is not pro-Christian, it is pro-votes. In other words, they care little for your beliefs and care more that they appear to support your issues so you will vote for them.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Amazing!
Because I'm such a huge football fan and this is one of the most ridiculous plays I have ever seen...
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